Every child has a dream of what she wants to be when she grows up. I, myself, had four such dreams, listed in order of preference:
1) Veterinarian
2) FBI Field Agent
3) Airport Tower Control Officer
4) Airline Stewardess
Early on in my childhood, my dear mother, when hearing about dream number one said to me: "Judy, you would never be able to put an animal to sleep, would you?" Dream number one burst as quickly as a balloon with a hot needle applied to it. She saved me some grief though, because the sciences and I were never good friends. I would have never made it.
A few years later, after hearing about my second dream, mom said to me: "You certainly don't want to carry a gun, do you? You might have to shoot someone." My balloon bouquet was now halved. Never thought of that one. I don't know what I thought being an FBI Agent meant. I sort of envisioned I might have my own television show.
When I was in 8th grade, they were having a special tour of the air control tower at Kent County Airport (now named the Gerald R. Ford INTERNATIONAL Airport). I was all set to go and see what my future career would hold when mom said: "Judy, those workers have a high rate of suicide." And there I stood, with one lonely balloon, but it still had lots of helium. I was enamored with the idea of travel, and I was going to be a stewardess.
I used to love flying on airplanes. Growing up, my only flights were from Grand Rapids to New Orleans, to visit my grandparents. I would fly down with mom, or, on occasion, was even shipped down on my own to spend a month or so with them and with my cousins. Half of the fun of flying was the anticipation of it all. And the stewardesses (now "flight attendants") were always so nice and kind. They always gave me a set of wings to pin on my shirt. As a youngster, I thought it was the best thing ever that you could have all the free drinks you wanted. Soda wasn't usually found in our refrigerator, and so getting a Coke was a big deal.
I remember the exact moment I became disillusioned with flying. Just after graduating from high school, I went on a trip with my high school Spanish class to Spain. This was my first "long haul" flight. I was as excited as ever, both for the flight and for the actual trip to Spain. I was severely disappointed when our flight out was delayed by almost an entire day.
When we finally boarded and took off, things were going well. We were all chatting excitedly, and later playing cards. And then, somewhere over the Atlantic, I had my first panic attack. I don't want to make it sound as if I'm prone to them. I think I've had about 5 or 6 in my lifetime. But, as a 17 year old, I had never heard the term "panic attack." All I know is that I was shaking, my teeth were chattering, I was perspiring and hyperventilating, and I had this very certain fear (that I wisely opted not to voice aloud) that the plane was going to crash into the ocean. I can't say what caused it, but it certainly was an "episode."
The stewardess was a star that day. She brought me a blanket and some hot tea, which she wisely would not let me hold, given the shaking that was going on. I am assuming I am not the first person to have undergone such an episode on a flight, but she clearly knew what to do to get me back to normal; or to what counts for normal in me. To this day, I remember her and am very appreciative of what she did to help me through what was, at the time, a terrifying experience.
After that, I can only say I never wanted to board a plane again. But, of course, I did...many, many times in fact. I no longer have panic attacks on airlines. It's more like dread. Flying has become a nightmare in a very different sense, and I fear that if I were to have a panic attack on a plane today, I would probably be arrested and removed for suspicion of something...and it goes without saying that my dream of being a stewardess has dissipated into nothingness.
I just returned from Phoenix yesterday. My scheduled flight out of Phoenix was cancelled after we were held hostage on the plane for over an hour. New rules: they can only keep you on board for 3 hours now. The delay was attributed to thunderstorms; one of which, we were told by the Captain, was directly over O'Hare Airport (I found out later they didn't receive a drop of rain). I was able to secure the last seat on the next flight out of Phoenix, and it was jam packed; therefore, I ended up in the dreaded middle seat. The gate agents were, understandably, harried, and therefore, quite rude with all of us. The flight attendants were even worse. Nowadays, because most airlines have opted to charge passengers to check their luggage, everyone tries to carry on their bags. Well, on an overbooked Super 80, there simply isn't enough storage space for everyone's carry-on luggage. The flight attendants were getting very annoyed because bags weren't fitting, and people were not getting into their seats, making for a late departure. Passengers were responding in kind. It was very ugly--not to mention quite warm, as we were sitting there at the gate in Phoenix.
Flying is just downright uncomfortable. Let's talk about the seats, shall we? Since I fly enough, I sometimes have the opportunity to upgrade to first class; however, because both my cancelled flight and the new one were packed, I wasn't given the upgrade. I like sitting in first class for one single reason, and it isn't the free food and drinks (although I'll get to that in a minute). It's for the space. I have had a 33 inch inseam since high school. Those legs do not fit well in the new, streamlined economy section of most airlines. And when the person in front of you opts to recline his or her seat, it bunches me up like a pretzel. I can live with this on a one hour flight, but the flight from Phoenix is a minimum of 3 hours and it's miserable. I don't even want to reflect back on some of my overseas flights--the worst of which was a very long trip from Chicago to Istanbul, on a plane where my knees were jammed up against the back of the seat in front of me, and the guy across from me had a 12 hour gas problem.
The width of most airline seats is something that has, in past years, also become streamlined. I will not argue with anyone who points out that I am overweight. Yeah, I have a bit of chub on me. But I am never the fattest person on that plane--not even close. And when I wedge down into the seat and the arms of either side of the seat are squeezing down on top of my legs, I can only wonder how other, chunkier folks are fitting into their little spots.
Eating and drinking on board is a joke. It's not so much a problem these days on domestic flights, because, frankly, they don't feed you. Well, unless you want to pay (get ready) $10 for a roast beef sandwich on a stale roll, or shell out $7 for a glass of wine. And it's not a first growth Bordeaux that they are serving you. But if you fly overseas, they do serve you a meal, included with the astronomical price of your ticket. The pull out tray comes right up to your chest. And, more often then not, the seat in front of you is reclined, making it impossible to eat, unless you have short arms like the T-Rex. I have dashed through London train stations while simultaneously shovelling a meat pie in my mouth, and felt more civilized eating there then I do in this sort of situation.
Yesterday on my flight, they also announced that they no longer supply blankets in the main cabin, but, for $8 they would happily sell you one. I had never heard this before, and I snorted out loud. I am 100% certain that within 5 minutes of that announcement, the temperature in the main cabin dropped at least 10 degrees. I froze my way from Phoenix to Chicago, because I was in short sleeves and I refused to pay $8 for the tissue paper that they call a blanket.
Airlines have given up on the idea of customer service, and they have done it for one obvious reason--they clearly need the money. They are going to bilk us for every single service they possibly can. I literally guffawed when I read that Easy Jet--a no frills airline I have flown in Europe on occasion, is opting now to charge to use the restroom. Ticket prices have risen astronomically, passengers are charged for checked baggage (and soon, you watch, you'll be charged for carry-on items too), food is not only not free, but it is seriouly overpriced and, if one can even imagine this is possible, it even tastes worse. Seats have become narrower and they are put closer together in order to fly as many people as possible. But, I think the worst result of all of this is the attitude of the cabin crew. When I was young, I looked up to them. I admired them and loved the way they used to treat me when I flew; so much so that I wanted to be one. Now, it seems the majority just want to pack you in, throw your drinks at you, collect your cups and whisk you off with a perfunctory "buh-bye". They are seriously stressed and overworked on these flights, and they are the front lines, taking all the grief from we, the public--a lot of very unhappy passengers who simply don't like what the airlines are doing to us, just because they can get away with it. I can't blame them for being that way, but, in the end, it makes me despise air travel. And I haven't even yet discussed the stale air issue.
My eldest brother recently retired as a Captain for Southwest Airlines. He denied my accusations that fresh air was piped into the flight deck. I have a somewhat irrational (or is it really?) fear of breathing that airplane air. I figure that if the guy 8 rows up in 7D has tuberculosis, his germs are going to get into that recycled air and I'm going to walk off the plane with a case of consumption. This suspicion is confirmed, as far as I am concerned, as I tend to become ill quite frequently after flying. Tom; however, almost never got sick, but he insists that for years he breathed the same air that they force on the folks in the back (in the "cattle car" as he called it). Personally, I think he had to take a pilot's oath that he would never divulge the fresh air secret.
Anyway, some of my friends are taking an enormous trip across country via Amtrack this summer. I used to take the train to New Orleans when I was in college, because, quite frankly, it was less expensive than flying. But eventually, train travel became just as expensive, if not more so, than air travel, and I haven't been on a train in a very long time. In light of what's going on with the airlines these days, I am thinking of looking back into it to see if it's comparable to airfare. It might take longer, but it has to be more civilized (doesn't it?)
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